# My unworthiness
*2013-05-08*

> Bill Young shares a personal story about overcoming feelings of unworthiness and reflects on a prayer by St. Thérèse of Lisieux regarding trust in God's mercy.

## A morning of failure

This past Sunday, I was scheduled to serve the Eucharist at an early Mass at 9:30 a.m. Usually, I serve the 12:30 p.m. Mass, but for some reason, I was scheduled for the earlier one. I had worked the night before and didn't get home until almost 3:00 a.m., staying up until 5:00 a.m. My goal was to wake up at 8:00 a.m., and while I did wake up then, I told myself I had fifteen more minutes of sleep. That ended up being 9:30 a.m. I woke up exactly when I was supposed to be at the Mass.

## The struggle with unworthiness

I felt terrible that day. I felt unworthy even to be giving out Communion because I had missed the Mass. I went to the 12:30 p.m. Mass, my normal time, and Father David gave a homily about how we often feel unworthy to be Eucharistic ministers or to do things for the community, such as bringing Communion to the homebound. He spoke about how these feelings of unworthiness stop people from serving. To be honest, that is exactly how I was feeling.

## Unexpected grace

During the Our Father, as we were holding hands, I felt a spark or a sensation in my right hand from the woman standing next to me. I thought perhaps the Lord was working through her to me, though you often pass those little things off without knowing what they mean. Later, one of the Eucharistic ministers approached me and said she wasn't feeling well and couldn't give out Communion. She told me she didn't feel worthy enough to do it, and asked if I could take her place, even though I wasn't scheduled. I ended up giving Communion that day.

## A reminder of God's mercy

Afterward, I was the only one assigned to take Communion to the homebound. Father David said a prayer over me, and in that moment, I felt so blessed. Even though I felt I was so unworthy, God keeps giving us chances to be with Him. This is why I chose the prayer "Conversations with Jesus in the Tabernacle" by St. Thérèse of the Little Flower.

## Prayer: Conversations with Jesus in the Tabernacle

Oh God, hidden in the tabernacle, in delight I return to You every evening to thank You for the graces which You have given me, and to implore Your pardon for my failings committed during this day, which is slipping away like a dream. Oh Jesus, how happy I would be if I had been faithful! But alas, I am often sad in the evening because I feel I could have responded better to Your grace. And yet, oh my God, far from being discouraged at the sight of my unworthiness, I come to You with trust, reminding myself that it is not the healthy who need the doctor but the sick. I beseech You to heal me, to forgive me, and I will remember, Lord, that the soul whom You have forgiven more must love You more than others. I offer You all my heartbeats, together with many acts of love and reparation, and I unite them to Your infinite merits. I ask You earnestly, oh my divine spouse, that You Yourself may be the doctor of my soul, to work in me without paying attention to my resistance, because I wish to have no will other than Yours. And tomorrow, by the help of Your grace, I will begin a new life of which every moment shall be an act of love and renunciation. Amen.

*Even when we feel unworthy, God continues to give us chances to serve and be with Him.*